We won't sleep together?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize