Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
