Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
