I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
