Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
