You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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