it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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