Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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