Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
