I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
