nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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