M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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