dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
