So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
