You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
