Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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