so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
