Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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