evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
