Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
