Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize