need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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