Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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