It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
