??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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