he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
