I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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