Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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