just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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