escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
