He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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