I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
