I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
