Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
