Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Congratulations! We have a period
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
