I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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