I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
