tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think i scared a bird with my dick
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
