The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
