He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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