we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
