***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
