just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
birth control should be required to get into college
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
