but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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