If i come over, it means nothing
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
