3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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