Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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