I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
420 ftw
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
