when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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