I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
