Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
