Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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