Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
