my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
