Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
