what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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