He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize