my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
