We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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