i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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