alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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