Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
