I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
a search helicopter?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
