Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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