So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize