Non-Jews are for practice
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is wine microwaveable?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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