come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize