the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
