So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
