Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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